Monday, August 30, 2010

Outta Box Girl

Happy Monday, y’all! So I promised updates on all things new and boy have I been stepping out of my comfort zone! Well actually, I think God has been PULLING me out of my comfort zone. And what I say to that is be careful what you pray for – LOL.

So let’s see about two weeks ago I crashed my roommate’s girl’s night out. It was karaoke night….Yep, you heard it right KARAOKE and little Miss Introvert (me of course) not only sang Brickhouse by the Commodores to the top of my lungs, but I also was the lead singer!! So I am a little tone deaf (can you even be a little tone deaf):) My 7th grade chorus teacher wasn't as nice in his description of my singing, however I have recovered from that devastation and talked myself into it with this realization “these folks don’t know me and will probably never see me again, so why not have a little fun.” This is my new approach to life and things that scare me. I recently read this bumper sticker which said: Everyday do something that scares you. A few years ago, I would have been like humph whatever - I'm not doing this; I'm not doing that... Now I so understand that statement. Doing things that scare you make you strong and courageous.

On a deeper note, I am realizing that if I live by fear so do my children. Whenever I do something new it provides them with an example of a fearless woman. I want them to be fearless; I want them to know there is nothing is this world they cannot accomplish. This journey is not just about me; it is about me and my girls. My girls who by the way for the first time ever sang on the youth choir yesterday!

There is plenty more to come from your “Outta Box Girl”, I promise.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

With heartache comes revelation

I need to cry. I need to grieve. I have been walking around with a lump in my throat for so long that it is barely noticeable to me anymore. When the separation process started I did not have time to grieve, I was too busy putting out fires. I had two little girls to stay strong for, I had a job to go to and a face to put on. I never once took a day off to just stay in bed and cry. I hit the ground running, strong black woman that I am. I was determined that he would not take me down, that I would persevere through it all. I proclaimed to the world, “No weapon formed against me shall prosper” and “I am more than a conqueror.” I have built a fortress around me that rivals Fort Meade, Fort Bragg and Fort Detrick combined. But now, I need to cry. I need to grieve. It’s time to breathe and break free of all that holds me back. As I now work to face the feelings, my hurts and my pains I can understand why people turn to alcohol, drugs and other vices to numb themselves. Before this trial, I had no empathy for them; I considered them weak for falling into such destruction. Now I understand because the pain is mind-numbing and life altering. Thankfully, I have an intimate relationship with God and turned to Him. However, I must question if my walls have kept Him at arms length as well. With heartache comes revelation.

So today, I press on and work to pull down the bricks of my fortress. This blog is part of it all, the masks must come off and the walls will come down. As the feelings surface I will face the pain instead of pushing through it. I am not strong, I cannot do this alone, but my Father who lives in heaven is my rock and my shield – He will bring me through.

Matthew 5:4 - NIV – “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A Letter to All Daddies

Do you realize you’re the first male relationship she has? Do you know the patterns that are emerging and what she is being taught in regards to how she should interact with a man. She sees that she should wait on a man and be accepting of anything that comes her way from him. I would go as far as saying these actions will be used in all of her relationships including friendships. Do you want your daughters hanging around, waiting for men and accepting any little tidbit they offer?

Girls need to know they are a priority in their father's life. They need to know what it is like to have the promises kept, to have the door opened for them, to be treated like ladies. If you as their father; the most important male in their life does not teach them, who then will?

Monday, August 16, 2010

New Girl In Town

"There's a new girl in town and she's looking good.

  Gotta smile, gotta a song for the neighborhood"

Now who remembers what show those lyrics are from? You would have to have been born at least by 1972? Maybe...Sooo there has been a lot going on with me lately as I venture out of the self-imposed cocoon I have been in for the past several years.  I could blame a bad marriage, but in all honesty we are the only ones responsible for the choices we make. 

In my neverending quest for personal empowerment, I have made the choice to become an Avon Independent Representative.  Now for those of you who know me, this is a major leap of faith on my part.  One because I am really tight on a dollar (I prefer the term frugalista) and two because I am not your typical charismatic salesperson.  Those two reasons are exactly why I chose Avon.  The investment of $10 is minimal,there is no monthly inventory to maintain AND AVON is a product which sells itself.  The products are wonderful and the prices are more than reasonable.  Now don't get me wrong, this is not a push to sell my self, however if you would like to order....I'm just sayin'

I have also made the choice to start getting out of the house more and doing things that are out of character for me. As a good friend pointed out to me, I am a little (I don't think he said little) uptight and I realized he was right.  Life is too short to be uptight, it is time to live.  The world is living and so should I.  Over the weekend, I went to a kiddie amusement park and had such a wonderful time being a kid again.  While I was there, I realized how I had been living in fear about some of the smallest things.  An example is the fact that I had never played laser tag and because I this I was really nervous about playing the game and worried I would look silly because I didn't know what I was doing.  My 8 year old daughter talked me into and I had the best time, as a matter of fact I played twice.  Who cares the team I was on lost both times, what matters is that I took a chance, did something different and made an 8 year old very happy. In turn, I also made myself happy.  I am excited about this journey and I look forward to what each day holds.  It has been a long time since I felt this way. 

"There's a new girl in town, with a brand new style.

She was just passing through,

but if things work out she's gonna stay awhile"
Is it time for you to step out of the box and become the new girl in town?
I will keep you posted on all things new.