Today is picture day for my 8 year old; my beautiful daughter who has entered the tomboy stage. You know the stage where she refuses to wear anything even remotely feminine like skirts, dresses or earrings. The one that requires her to constantly wear her braids in a plain old ponytail, no headbands, no cute little hair accessories, nothing. Because of her affinity for skinny jeans, plaid shirts and revamped Chuck Taylors, she has been dubbed as my skater princess. For the life of me I do not remember going thru the tomboy phase, I believe I have always been a diva.
In any case, my little skater princess had to wear a dress today because her school requires it. There was no conflict when it came to wearing the dress, but I had to force her to wear earrings and I thought she would faint when I styled her braids in a bun on top of her head. I think the style is absolutely adorable on her; she on the other hand has a different take on it. I believe her exact words to me were, “Mom, this is too formal.” Now I ask you, what in the world does an 8 year old know about formal?
When I finished “styling” her, I had to take a deep breath in. I was amazed at how quickly she is growing and becoming a young lady. I am reminded that I should just embrace the stage she is in now and enjoy these days. All too soon, I am sure she will be trying to invade my closet, my makeup and my jewelry and when that happens I will really have to remember to breath deep.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
And The Beat Goes On...
More from the reality show I live....Last weekend started off pretty nice. Long holiday weekend, the boss said I could leave 2 hours early on Friday, I had time to go grocery shopping and do a little end of the season shopping at my favorite store, Loehmann's (where I picked up a hot little dress for next year's vacation). All before picking my girls up from school. I felt so good I even allowed my 8 year old's BFF to sleepover. This was her first sleepover and it has taken me 8 years to allow that to happen. It wasn't too bad though because my 4 year old was at her BFF's house (sister of the 8 year old's BFF) - did I confuse you yet? I am glad because I am not sure I could have handled four squealing girls at one time. Brady bunch, this is not!
Now Saturday started out a little rough because those chicks were up at 7am asking to be fed! 7am -REALLY...Gone are the days of kids sleeping late after being up way too late for their age. Now if that had been a school morning ice cold water wouldn't have awakened the little zombies. As the day progressed things got a little nicer, the parents of the BFF's offered to take ALL the kids to a family barbecue and that meant FREEDOM for me. That rarely happens so excuse me if I seem a little overly excited.
My BMF (best male friend)offered insisted on cleaning my poor, neglected 1999 Honda Accord who I have affectionately named, Lola. I bought Lola for cash in 2004 and in spite of my often neglectful ways, she has not given me any major problems. My BMF cleaned my girl from top to bottom on Saturday, I mean she looked good! So good I had to take a picture of her and send it to my mom. All she could say was Wow wow wow....That ought to give you some idea of just how bad Lola looked. After she was all cleaned up, I felt like I was driving a new car again. My baby girl got in the next day, looked around and said, "I've never seen it like this." And her eyes were as big as saucers - LOL.
And so we made it to the last day of our long break when I decided there is just no way I could stay in the house all day with those children and we went window shopping. We were all over, Ross', Marshalls, Once Upon A Child and finally,Wal-mart. After all that driving, I decided to be proactive and fill my car up with gas the day before instead of the morning of and trekked on over to my local Royal Farm Store. I finished filling Lola up and turned on the ignition. Nothing...What nothing, no turnover, no sound, nothing! OMG, what am I going to do? My heart was beating fast, but I couldn't let it show because the kiddies were in the backseat and heaven forbid they see I am upset. I certainly had no time for their drama. Thankfully my roommate was in the car with me and she and another customer pushed my precious Lola over to a parking space.
Let me just say God is good because I was within walking distance from my home and off we went. I needed to get my cardio in for the day anyway.
I am so blessed to have a great support system because my BMF was able to get my car home and have it towed to his mechanic. My single, childless roommate shuttled me and my children around for a couple of days - talk about culture shock for her. Perhaps I have never mentioned this little tidbit about myself but I am fiercely independent and it was indeed a humbling experience to be without a car for just a small amount of time.
Apparently Lola was in shock over her new found cleanliness and decided something just wasn't right. It turns out she needed a new starter. Yep you heard it, all she needed was a new starter. I think that is pretty darn good for 245,000 miles. Onward and upward....
Now Saturday started out a little rough because those chicks were up at 7am asking to be fed! 7am -REALLY...Gone are the days of kids sleeping late after being up way too late for their age. Now if that had been a school morning ice cold water wouldn't have awakened the little zombies. As the day progressed things got a little nicer, the parents of the BFF's offered to take ALL the kids to a family barbecue and that meant FREEDOM for me. That rarely happens so excuse me if I seem a little overly excited.
My BMF (best male friend)
And so we made it to the last day of our long break when I decided there is just no way I could stay in the house all day with those children and we went window shopping. We were all over, Ross', Marshalls, Once Upon A Child and finally,Wal-mart. After all that driving, I decided to be proactive and fill my car up with gas the day before instead of the morning of and trekked on over to my local Royal Farm Store. I finished filling Lola up and turned on the ignition. Nothing...What nothing, no turnover, no sound, nothing! OMG, what am I going to do? My heart was beating fast, but I couldn't let it show because the kiddies were in the backseat and heaven forbid they see I am upset. I certainly had no time for their drama. Thankfully my roommate was in the car with me and she and another customer pushed my precious Lola over to a parking space.
Let me just say God is good because I was within walking distance from my home and off we went. I needed to get my cardio in for the day anyway.
I am so blessed to have a great support system because my BMF was able to get my car home and have it towed to his mechanic. My single, childless roommate shuttled me and my children around for a couple of days - talk about culture shock for her. Perhaps I have never mentioned this little tidbit about myself but I am fiercely independent and it was indeed a humbling experience to be without a car for just a small amount of time.
Apparently Lola was in shock over her new found cleanliness and decided something just wasn't right. It turns out she needed a new starter. Yep you heard it, all she needed was a new starter. I think that is pretty darn good for 245,000 miles. Onward and upward....
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Learning to Breathe Again
Raising two children alone, working full-time, and managing my entrepreneurial interests, running a household, operating as party planner and chauffeur to my children, etc. WHEW, instead of managing my life, my life has begun to manage me. Life for me over the past few years cannot be described in one word; instead a series of words are needed. Words like: frenetic, tumultuous, madhouse, chaotic and plain old nutty. I often joke that I should have a reality show, at least then I would be getting paid to live this overly animated life.
Earlier this week, I took advantage of a gift certificate for a massage given to me by a good friend. The highly skilled and intuitive therapist started at my feet and began to tell me all about the problems going on in my body. She described to a “t”, the lower back pain, neck and shoulder pain and tingling sometimes in my fingers. None of her assessments came as a shock to me because earlier in the year I saw a chiropractor for a few weeks in an effort obtain some relief from those very same issues. As relaxing as a massage is supposed to be, part of it for me was a struggle. A struggle to relax, relate and release. Ahhh…the story of my life and the resulting uptightness I mentioned in an earlier post. The therapist said to me, “You don’t breathe.” And in an instant I knew exactly what she meant.
In all of this confusion somewhere along the way I forgot how to breathe, literally.
I am now on a quest to learn to relax, relate and release. A quest to learn how to breathe again. I must first learn the actual process of breathing again, so I have begun to practice deep breathing exercises. This is a really simple exercise and can be done anywhere. Take a deep breath in thru the nose for five seconds and breathe out thru the mouth for eight seconds. I do this numerous times per day and if you see me and I look strange, please keep walking. I also need to figure out how to compartmentalize the many roles I play. Men are great at compartmentalizing; I need lessons in this. Any volunteers? Another thing I am going to do is to purchase two kitchen timers for my children; one for each of them. If I make chore time fun for them, I can grab 15 minutes here and there for myself to….you got it, breathe. And last but definitely not least I will find a way to bring exercise back into my life. Coming in second place after my time with God, exercise helps to give me balance. I have not had a consistent workout routine in several months and not only am I getting way too soft for my taste, I am out of balance and my breathing is off.
Above all, I need to remember I am not in control of any of this, God is. He has chosen me for these roles and has given me everything I need to perform them. I am not superwoman, nor am I supermom and neither you. Let’s all of us remember to breathe again.
Earlier this week, I took advantage of a gift certificate for a massage given to me by a good friend. The highly skilled and intuitive therapist started at my feet and began to tell me all about the problems going on in my body. She described to a “t”, the lower back pain, neck and shoulder pain and tingling sometimes in my fingers. None of her assessments came as a shock to me because earlier in the year I saw a chiropractor for a few weeks in an effort obtain some relief from those very same issues. As relaxing as a massage is supposed to be, part of it for me was a struggle. A struggle to relax, relate and release. Ahhh…the story of my life and the resulting uptightness I mentioned in an earlier post. The therapist said to me, “You don’t breathe.” And in an instant I knew exactly what she meant.
In all of this confusion somewhere along the way I forgot how to breathe, literally.
I am now on a quest to learn to relax, relate and release. A quest to learn how to breathe again. I must first learn the actual process of breathing again, so I have begun to practice deep breathing exercises. This is a really simple exercise and can be done anywhere. Take a deep breath in thru the nose for five seconds and breathe out thru the mouth for eight seconds. I do this numerous times per day and if you see me and I look strange, please keep walking. I also need to figure out how to compartmentalize the many roles I play. Men are great at compartmentalizing; I need lessons in this. Any volunteers? Another thing I am going to do is to purchase two kitchen timers for my children; one for each of them. If I make chore time fun for them, I can grab 15 minutes here and there for myself to….you got it, breathe. And last but definitely not least I will find a way to bring exercise back into my life. Coming in second place after my time with God, exercise helps to give me balance. I have not had a consistent workout routine in several months and not only am I getting way too soft for my taste, I am out of balance and my breathing is off.
Above all, I need to remember I am not in control of any of this, God is. He has chosen me for these roles and has given me everything I need to perform them. I am not superwoman, nor am I supermom and neither you. Let’s all of us remember to breathe again.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Outta Box Girl
Happy Monday, y’all! So I promised updates on all things new and boy have I been stepping out of my comfort zone! Well actually, I think God has been PULLING me out of my comfort zone. And what I say to that is be careful what you pray for – LOL.
So let’s see about two weeks ago I crashed my roommate’s girl’s night out. It was karaoke night….Yep, you heard it right KARAOKE and little Miss Introvert (me of course) not only sang Brickhouse by the Commodores to the top of my lungs, but I also was the lead singer!! So I am a little tone deaf (can you even be a little tone deaf):) My 7th grade chorus teacher wasn't as nice in his description of my singing, however I have recovered from that devastation and talked myself into it with this realization “these folks don’t know me and will probably never see me again, so why not have a little fun.” This is my new approach to life and things that scare me. I recently read this bumper sticker which said: Everyday do something that scares you. A few years ago, I would have been like humph whatever - I'm not doing this; I'm not doing that... Now I so understand that statement. Doing things that scare you make you strong and courageous.
On a deeper note, I am realizing that if I live by fear so do my children. Whenever I do something new it provides them with an example of a fearless woman. I want them to be fearless; I want them to know there is nothing is this world they cannot accomplish. This journey is not just about me; it is about me and my girls. My girls who by the way for the first time ever sang on the youth choir yesterday!
There is plenty more to come from your “Outta Box Girl”, I promise.
So let’s see about two weeks ago I crashed my roommate’s girl’s night out. It was karaoke night….Yep, you heard it right KARAOKE and little Miss Introvert (me of course) not only sang Brickhouse by the Commodores to the top of my lungs, but I also was the lead singer!! So I am a little tone deaf (can you even be a little tone deaf):) My 7th grade chorus teacher wasn't as nice in his description of my singing, however I have recovered from that devastation and talked myself into it with this realization “these folks don’t know me and will probably never see me again, so why not have a little fun.” This is my new approach to life and things that scare me. I recently read this bumper sticker which said: Everyday do something that scares you. A few years ago, I would have been like humph whatever - I'm not doing this; I'm not doing that... Now I so understand that statement. Doing things that scare you make you strong and courageous.
On a deeper note, I am realizing that if I live by fear so do my children. Whenever I do something new it provides them with an example of a fearless woman. I want them to be fearless; I want them to know there is nothing is this world they cannot accomplish. This journey is not just about me; it is about me and my girls. My girls who by the way for the first time ever sang on the youth choir yesterday!
There is plenty more to come from your “Outta Box Girl”, I promise.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
With heartache comes revelation
I need to cry. I need to grieve. I have been walking around with a lump in my throat for so long that it is barely noticeable to me anymore. When the separation process started I did not have time to grieve, I was too busy putting out fires. I had two little girls to stay strong for, I had a job to go to and a face to put on. I never once took a day off to just stay in bed and cry. I hit the ground running, strong black woman that I am. I was determined that he would not take me down, that I would persevere through it all. I proclaimed to the world, “No weapon formed against me shall prosper” and “I am more than a conqueror.” I have built a fortress around me that rivals Fort Meade, Fort Bragg and Fort Detrick combined. But now, I need to cry. I need to grieve. It’s time to breathe and break free of all that holds me back. As I now work to face the feelings, my hurts and my pains I can understand why people turn to alcohol, drugs and other vices to numb themselves. Before this trial, I had no empathy for them; I considered them weak for falling into such destruction. Now I understand because the pain is mind-numbing and life altering. Thankfully, I have an intimate relationship with God and turned to Him. However, I must question if my walls have kept Him at arms length as well. With heartache comes revelation.
So today, I press on and work to pull down the bricks of my fortress. This blog is part of it all, the masks must come off and the walls will come down. As the feelings surface I will face the pain instead of pushing through it. I am not strong, I cannot do this alone, but my Father who lives in heaven is my rock and my shield – He will bring me through.
Matthew 5:4 - NIV – “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”
So today, I press on and work to pull down the bricks of my fortress. This blog is part of it all, the masks must come off and the walls will come down. As the feelings surface I will face the pain instead of pushing through it. I am not strong, I cannot do this alone, but my Father who lives in heaven is my rock and my shield – He will bring me through.
Matthew 5:4 - NIV – “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
A Letter to All Daddies
Do you realize you’re the first male relationship she has? Do you know the patterns that are emerging and what she is being taught in regards to how she should interact with a man. She sees that she should wait on a man and be accepting of anything that comes her way from him. I would go as far as saying these actions will be used in all of her relationships including friendships. Do you want your daughters hanging around, waiting for men and accepting any little tidbit they offer?
Girls need to know they are a priority in their father's life. They need to know what it is like to have the promises kept, to have the door opened for them, to be treated like ladies. If you as their father; the most important male in their life does not teach them, who then will?
Girls need to know they are a priority in their father's life. They need to know what it is like to have the promises kept, to have the door opened for them, to be treated like ladies. If you as their father; the most important male in their life does not teach them, who then will?
Monday, August 16, 2010
New Girl In Town
"There's a new girl in town and she's looking good.
Gotta smile, gotta a song for the neighborhood"
Now who remembers what show those lyrics are from? You would have to have been born at least by 1972? Maybe...Sooo there has been a lot going on with me lately as I venture out of the self-imposed cocoon I have been in for the past several years. I could blame a bad marriage, but in all honesty we are the only ones responsible for the choices we make.
In my neverending quest for personal empowerment, I have made the choice to become an Avon Independent Representative. Now for those of you who know me, this is a major leap of faith on my part. One because I am really tight on a dollar (I prefer the term frugalista) and two because I am not your typical charismatic salesperson. Those two reasons are exactly why I chose Avon. The investment of $10 is minimal,there is no monthly inventory to maintain AND AVON is a product which sells itself. The products are wonderful and the prices are more than reasonable. Now don't get me wrong, this is not a push to sell my self, however if you would like to order....I'm just sayin'
I have also made the choice to start getting out of the house more and doing things that are out of character for me. As a good friend pointed out to me, I am a little (I don't think he said little) uptight and I realized he was right. Life is too short to be uptight, it is time to live. The world is living and so should I. Over the weekend, I went to a kiddie amusement park and had such a wonderful time being a kid again. While I was there, I realized how I had been living in fear about some of the smallest things. An example is the fact that I had never played laser tag and because I this I was really nervous about playing the game and worried I would look silly because I didn't know what I was doing. My 8 year old daughter talked me into and I had the best time, as a matter of fact I played twice. Who cares the team I was on lost both times, what matters is that I took a chance, did something different and made an 8 year old very happy. In turn, I also made myself happy. I am excited about this journey and I look forward to what each day holds. It has been a long time since I felt this way.
"There's a new girl in town, with a brand new style.
She was just passing through,
but if things work out she's gonna stay awhile"
Is it time for you to step out of the box and become the new girl in town?
I will keep you posted on all things new.
Gotta smile, gotta a song for the neighborhood"
Now who remembers what show those lyrics are from? You would have to have been born at least by 1972? Maybe...Sooo there has been a lot going on with me lately as I venture out of the self-imposed cocoon I have been in for the past several years. I could blame a bad marriage, but in all honesty we are the only ones responsible for the choices we make.
In my neverending quest for personal empowerment, I have made the choice to become an Avon Independent Representative. Now for those of you who know me, this is a major leap of faith on my part. One because I am really tight on a dollar (I prefer the term frugalista) and two because I am not your typical charismatic salesperson. Those two reasons are exactly why I chose Avon. The investment of $10 is minimal,there is no monthly inventory to maintain AND AVON is a product which sells itself. The products are wonderful and the prices are more than reasonable. Now don't get me wrong, this is not a push to sell my self, however if you would like to order....I'm just sayin'
I have also made the choice to start getting out of the house more and doing things that are out of character for me. As a good friend pointed out to me, I am a little (I don't think he said little) uptight and I realized he was right. Life is too short to be uptight, it is time to live. The world is living and so should I. Over the weekend, I went to a kiddie amusement park and had such a wonderful time being a kid again. While I was there, I realized how I had been living in fear about some of the smallest things. An example is the fact that I had never played laser tag and because I this I was really nervous about playing the game and worried I would look silly because I didn't know what I was doing. My 8 year old daughter talked me into and I had the best time, as a matter of fact I played twice. Who cares the team I was on lost both times, what matters is that I took a chance, did something different and made an 8 year old very happy. In turn, I also made myself happy. I am excited about this journey and I look forward to what each day holds. It has been a long time since I felt this way.
"There's a new girl in town, with a brand new style.
She was just passing through,
but if things work out she's gonna stay awhile"
Is it time for you to step out of the box and become the new girl in town?
I will keep you posted on all things new.
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